Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
