your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Randomize
