What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
