I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
