he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
