She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
