why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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