I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
