Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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