after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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