So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize