is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
