My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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