just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Life is so much better after having sex.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
