Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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