you would pick up someone in the library
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
