So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
