I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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