Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
