Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
