sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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