I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
