Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
