Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize