if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
