i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I am morally bankrupt
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
