i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
