My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
