shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
