So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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