I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
