I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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