I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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