Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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