Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
