omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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