Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
