Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
