so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
