happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
