Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
