in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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