pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
