Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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