I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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