I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
