I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Are my feet made of real feet?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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