Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
