I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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