we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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