??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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