why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize