After last night, I could never be a politician.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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