no, he came in my armpit
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
