porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
