I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Everything about him screamed your future.
organizing the empties. That sober.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
