i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
