Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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