we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
