Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
