could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize