remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize