I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
