can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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