So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
