Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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