Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
