He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
