I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
