put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
