dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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